How to *Not* Care

As a wonderful mentor has pointed out to me in the beginning of the year, I need to stop people pleasing and act my age, not letting people push me around.

Hi, I’m Maggy, I am 24 years old and I am a people pleaser. I care about others, especially those who have become so important to me and I want them to feel good, I want their best. I do everything I can but eventually I get dropped like a hot dish when Beyonce walks into a room. I want to save everyone but I had to learn it so many times that I can’t help everyone because not everyone wants to be saved. And then I had to learn it again. And again. And again. You get my drift?

I wish I could though because it used to physically hurt me whenever someone moved on and dropped me. It didn’t matter if it was a friendship, a colleague or just someone I felt close to. Or maybe I was sabotaging myself when I wasn’t there for a second and got replaced because I looked after myself for a heartbeat. I am gradually learning, that the people that matter don’t want to be saved, they can save themselves. It may not sound like a good friendship but if everyone looks out for themselves, it is easier to look out for one another. Or maybe it just makes more sense in my head.

I’Ve recently read this book: The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F**k and it did indeed changed my life. My balance of Fs I give is much healthier than it used to be. Of course it’s not ideal yet, but I believe it is a work in progress. I still care about a lot of things and of course I can’t just walk through life and say “I don’t give a shit about anything but me”. But I am actively thinking about what and most importantly whom I care about. I carefully select things that are important to me and I am even more careful nowadays when it comes to myself. In order to not just be successful but a better version of myself than yesterdays and to have value, I need to be selfish. Which doesn’t mean I’m ignorant or think I’m better than everyone else. I just look out for myself better than I used to which gives me better self-confidence to be the person I want to be. I still care, but I choose the things and the people I care about and I am on my way to let my confidence and my actions speak for themselves and not to rely on people pleasing.

I am Maggy, I’m a strong 24 year old woman who is becoming the person she wants to be and is protective of the things she cares about.

Struggles and Motivation – From my point of view

These days I seem to  struggle with a lot of things simultaneously. I am stressed a lot though I maintain quite a good morning routine. If I wouldn’t have my morning routine I guess I’d get even less done. It’s not that I am not motivated – I  am,  more than ever before. It’s just that everything seems so much these days, maybe because it is or maybe because I’m stuck in my own headspace and things keep piling up in there. It feels so good to check things of that ever-growing list – usually. Which is exactly the problem: I can not appreciate it insofar as I know exactly how much more there is on this damn list. And when I found the right corner in my head to get work done I can’t stop to give myself a break which leaves me less productive and just as stressed. Time Outs I order myself suddenly turn into a full day without ever finding that tiny corner again because I got lost in my own head and my instincts seem to thing that survival mode means watching Shows where strong women are badass in their job. Ironic isn’t it?

A mentor has told me a while ago, that I need to stop people pleasing. And the past couple of days I felt how much I did do exactly the opposite and how much it stressed me out to be there for everyone at all times, trying to help or even just answer questions. I should make myself scarce and prioritise myself more. I also need to learn to have more self-confidence and act like my age. Which doesn’t mean I don’t already do that but sometimes it still feels like I’m 16 and making the same stupid mistakes all over again. I know I  am an incredibly loud human being and my brain sometimes thinks double the speed of others so I’m very impatient a lot of times. I’ve seen a post on instagram this morning where Michelle Obama said “I wasn’t loud. I was a young woman with something important to say”, yet I have to learn when it’s the right time to speak. It would be boring though I wouldn’t have things to learn and to grow as a person though, wouldn’t it?

Today I’m trying to be okay with things not working out as I imagined they would and not getting a single point of my list checked. Sometimes it’s okay to just quietly exist. It’s hard to realise, harder to accept and even harder to come to terms to. I feelt like I was in the wrong film when two different friends recently spoke highly of me and told me how unbelievably they think I am and that they envy my drive to do things and always aim for big goals. Don’t they see I’m struggling too? A lot actually? A dear friend has told me when I asked this question, that they do see that I am struggling a lot, but that I always manage to resolve it eventually and always strive for bigger projects. I haven’t looked at it that way. Maybe the saying “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”  is right after all. So todays struggle and all that stress will firstly work out in the end and secondly be totally worth it.

I’m coming to terms with just existing which oddly enough has  just provoked the urge to get things done. Weird how emotions and feelings trigger our brain, isn’t it?

From My Point of View – Social Distancing and Isolation

Yes, I’m still alive. And I feel like I’ve got a lot of things under control again whereas 3 weeks ago everything was slipping out of my hands and future was a word that evicted feelings of uncertainty and anxiety. The past week I have worked on my ability to form habits. I made a list of things that are important right now to do on a daily basis for my impending future like practicing the piano, music theory, interval and ear training but also reading and a walk or bike ride outside. I continued to clean up and declutter the house bit by bit but I didn’t put any pressure on myself. Instead I focus on the things that are important and which motivate me to continue with everything else.

Regarding my studies I now got clarity for at least some of my subjects. All things to do with communication and journalism will be held online with no classroom presence. Which on one hand means that I do indeed have time to work at the theatre now and I reckon it would not just be good for me and my focus but my studies would benefit as well because it would give me some sort of structure for my days where I can have dedicated times do to my workload. On the other hand said workload will be more than the usual because instead of being there and giving your presentation you need to hand in work weekly or biweekly, depending on the class. It’s not as easy but then again I can take all of the classes I wanted to take because they are not bound to times and before I couldn’t take three because I had time overlaps and unfortunately my name is not Hermione Granger. With that being said I will also have a huge time gain by not traveling 4 hours a day back and forth to university.

That problem solved takes a lot of worrying away from me. I still don’t know what’s going to happen with my music studies but I guess it’s going to be similar since I don’t see an end to this pandemic any time soon. I just hope that the theatre doors will be open by the end of may or at least the rehearsals will start again.

And since we’re on the topic of the pandemic – how are you handling social distancing? I feel like the first week I spend so much time on instagram that refreshing became ridiculous because all it did was show me the same posts I’d already seen. I spend so much time on my phone and in front of the TV it got to a point where I had outbursts of energy while I felt drained at the same time. I went to bed around 2am every night and got up midday. Sometime during the past week that changed though. I feel so much more accomplished when I don’t go for that second round of sleep but instead get up when I wake up which has been between 7:30 and 9:30. I get things done and start my day with reading and my beloved chai tea and I study Italian and French, practice Piano and singing and all that before lunch. It gives me so much more energy while also keeping me focused and calm.

Staying calm is so important for me. Considering that I’m one to feel anxiety very easily I always considered myself an introvert. I know, I know – those who know me will disagree because they perceive me as this loud, energetic and very talkative person who is very outgoing but I assure you, those who know me more closely have seen a different side to me, one that I don’t show often because I often hide behind those extroverted qualities. I’m quite insecure and I thought I preferred being alone. Turns out, that I really do appreciate having people around me. It is hard for me to be home alone with the only contact being my dad and the occasional phone or Skype conversation with my friends. I miss human interaction. Like talking face to face, being in the same room, feeling the other persons energy and presence. Skype just doesn’t do it for me. I guess it puts a strain on every relationship and on peoples perception. I’m just glad I still have contact to the people who are most important to me even if it’s through a phone.

I also never thought I was such a physical person but turns out – I really do miss hugging. For my birthday this year I wish to spend it with my mom and get a big hug. I also want to spend it with my best friend, just having a walk side by side. Last week my grandpa stopped by to bring some leftovers and all I wanted to do was give him a very long hug. It physically hurt to restrain myself.

It is hard for me having been surrounded by so many people every day at the theatre to sitting alone at my desk and writing. Human interaction has become so important to me and even after such a short time I really do miss the people I’ve been working with. I gained so much in the past two months and I feel like a lot of that I owe to them. Personal growth has become part of my daily routine now and they have become my inspiration.

Social distancing is tough, that’s a given. It takes its toll on all of us, we’re all in the same boat. I hope that when all this is over, I can appreciate social gatherings, working and interacting with others face to face and small things like hugs more. For now I’m trying really hard to not fight with my dad all the time (Up until yesterday I thought I did a pretty darn good job) and appreciate the things I have right now. Which is time to focus on my future and visualise where I want to be. The sun just came out behind the clouds as I wrote that. Baby steps, right?

#The NewNormal – Day 5

The laziness has got to stop

Ok so to be honest, yesterday has been kind of a low day and of course I didn’t get anything done. It’s got to stop. I’m usually this highly motivated, energetic person that just gets shit done because I want to be someone and go places but the past day the lack of structure ahas turned me into this lazy mess that does nothing besides play stupid games on her phone and eat. Well and the occasional walk outside. But that’s got to stop! Well not the walking and hiking that’s actually been an improvement. So I’m throwing everything overboard and I am going to establish a new routine, new structures and a new system. This is gonna last for at least till my birthday in April so I might as well get moving to improve.

Like many wise people have said before: I can’t change the situation I’m in but I sure as hell can change how I’m dealing with it. So today I’m making  plan!

Granted – it’s already midday but it’s not to late to make a schedule. Not just vague goals and tasks but a schedule I can stick to.

Then again I went to the store to get some things we ran out of like flour and there was none there! I went to three different stores – all out of flour! Damn people! Nobody in this freaking town is baking their own bread besides me – why start now? So I’m hoping to get flour on Monday – otherwise we won’t have freshly baked anything… And if there ever was a time baking as a stress relief comes in handy it is now. So let’s hope people turn sane again and realise that they don’t need a cellar full of toilet paper and flour – though I’m sure that combination will keep you alive till 2050… or at least you bum clean.

*Sarcasm off – turning serious again…

I’ve had a really nice talk with my mentor Sarah yesterday about how all of this affects us on such a personal level that we feel stuck. But both of us are list-makers and so I’m gonna make lists. Not just a daily schedules but actually lists of things I want to achieve till my birthday – like finally start learning Italian and prepare that damn exam.

I never thought that social distancing for me would be so hard. I’Ve never been the person to go partying or something but I always tried to connect with people. It kind of kept me sane and now it’s weird only talking to friends on the phone. Hearing their voices though is quite nice for a change but it just can’t compare to the talks we have face to face. Yet the smallest messages from people brighten my day and make me feel connected again, especially if I didn’t expect them.

Weird times we’re living in right now. But hey – we are alive and we learn to appreciate things we never really thought of. Like hugs, working with people, a smile, having work and of course having a purpose. So my focus for the weekend is to get my Purpose back. Whether it is writing, singing, creating or learning new things.

Let’s do this! Let’s kick butt (In this case my own…)

PS: I’m wondering if I should start doing youtube videos again… Opinions?

#TheNewNormal – Day 4

Deep thoughts and a rush of positive energy

Yesterday I read a blog by an opera singer from Mannheim (click here for her post) and I was moved to tears. She is Italian and describes how the situation there is. People are dying and still a lot of Germans don’t take the situation seriously. People go outside to meet up for parties or drinking, not caring if they infect others. For them it’s just the flu because they are young and healthy, but what they don’t get is that for people with underlying disease or elderly people it is life threatening! I see so much support on social media for other people, I see communities coming together to support each other and help those who are in the high risk group! Yet those who still sit in cafés and restaurants, those who still go to social gatherings, those who chose to risk the life of others, they make me really sad.

Since this Pandemic started there have been tons of good news though concerning the environment. Have you realised for example that there hasn’t been a rainy day since all of this started? That the sky is blue and the air fresh? That the bees are buzzing and spring has continued without us? Nature is breathing again because there are way less planes in the sky, barely any tourist ships and cars on the street polluting the air with CO2 and less garbage.

I look positive into the future because I choose to. I just talked to my aunt in Zurich about how all this might lead us into something way bigger. I hope she is right. And concerning my beloved theatre she told me to keep my head up, practice the things I usually wouldn’t have time to and eventually if I stick to all this positivity, this passion and urge to do something great even through bad times, I will succeed.

A certain soprano told me that I should do what I think is right for myself, what inspires me anew every day and what makes me burn with passion. Life is going to do everything else. I have never believed her words more than in this moment. Everything is going to fall into place. My best friend says it’s a decision to welcome and embrace each day so starting today I choose to stay positive.

Which also means I’m cutting off the lazy me. Gotta be honest with myself – the past days I’ve not been doing much besides my bullet journal and eating and going on isolated walks or hikes with my dad. Granted I’ve had the sniffles and have not been feeling too well (NO NOT CORONA, I’ve had the sniffles brewing for more than 3 weeks!) but today is the first day I actually feel better. So maybe if I want to stay positive I should start being the productive person I wanted to be since the beginning of this quarantine. Goal for today is to get my butt moving and finish the tasks from the past days. Tasks include practicing the piano as every day, doing some light voice exercises so as to not strain my vocal chords (my throat was sore until yesterday) and to FINALLY finish the task of putting my clothes away, sorting through them and doing my laundry. Plus it’s Friday so I need to clean the bathroom and tidy and clean my other rooms as well.

Yikes that was a long and deep post. But I had to get it out somehow. Now washing machine here I come, the Wonder Woman of laundry (at least for today…). – I promise it’s just too much energy…

#TheNewNormal – Day 2 & 3

Since my post yesterday didn’t upload due to the internet going into strike I’m combining the two of them now.

Yesterday was kind of a good day considering everything that’s going on. I asked my dad if he wanted to go for a hike in the hills like we used to do as a family every Sunday and he actually agreed. There weren’t many people and nature was just beautiful. It felt good to do something and I had a really lovely time reconnecting with my dad since we usually just fight. I wish my motorbike was ready but I’m still in lack of a battery so I can’t just drive there whenever I want to. We’ll see how long I’m allowed to drive anywhere anyways. When I went to go for groceries it annoyed me how many people don’t take this damn virus seriously. I still see a lot of young people hang out in groups, not caring if elderly people get sick. I get it – it’s hard to stay in and I had a really good talk with my voice teacher about it yesterday. We all feel the ups and downs now on a daily basis but we need to find our way through it and come out of it safely.

So my main task yesterday was to figure out which things I want to sing for my qualifying exam. Right now I feel like I’ve got one half secure and the other is still somewhere up in the air. But I’m a lot closer to finding out now that I talked to my teacher and there’s still 10 days left. We won’t do lessons for a while which is really sad but I completely understand and agree that safety should come first. For me that means my goals for yesterday were of course to practice piano and get comfortable with my Italian and French for the arias we’ve picked. But I also wanted to do something for myself and since we’re nearing the second quarter of the year and I’ve just gotten my new calendar for the next quarter, I decided goal number three on that list is to start my new journal.

Today I want to continue the journal but I decided to switch tasks and goals. So my tasks are to finish my journal, to get my dishes and bottles and Tupperware in order and to practice that piano piece so it will finally stay in my fingers… My goal for today is again my washing and my clothes. I did not finish them on Tuesday because I felt very lazy but I’m very intent on doing it today. One of the perks of this virus is that nature seems to be able to finally breathe. The sky couldn’t be more blue today and even a bee has found her way into my room as I am writing this. The birds are chirping outside and the air for once is fresh. Maybe this time out is not the worst that could have happened. I’m very sad when I think of the theatre and the arts that were hit so hard and all the freelancers and small businesses that are struggling now. But maybe we also learn to support each other more and go away from consumerism and greed.

I actually felt the urge to visit my grandpa today (which I’m not doing of course because I don’t want to risk his health), but with all this free time I feel like I want to reconnect with my family and friends more and this is one hard thing to do when you can’t see each other or hug each other. Let’s hope we’re all out of the gutter sooner rather than later. For physical connections, the arts, theatre and all the people struggling out there.

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#TheNewNormal – Day 1

So since my lovely theatre bubble, which I’ve been in for the past 2 months, burst at the end of last week I feeling a little bit lost. I had an established routine, a day filled with things to do and even found the time to prepare for some things that will hopefully still happen in July. I was surrounded by people who gave me courage and inspiration, confidence, strength and thought me so much more than how to be a good assistant director. Now that I’m on my own again I don’t really know where to start. So much has happened in the past week and it can all become a bit overwhelming when you think too much about it. So this morning I decided that for each day I’m going to give myself a task and 3 goals I want to accomplish plus the daily blog post update. And I challenge you to do the same! Stay at home and distance yourself socially to help prevent a further spread of this stupid virus but also stay healthy, fit, active and keep your mind occupied.

My main task for today is CLOTHES.

I’ve been very neglecting towards my washing and my clothes due to the very small time frame I actually had a t home. So today I want to tackle all the washing that’s way overdue and as much as I hate it I want to fold and put away all my clothes that have been sitting in several laundry baskets for quite a while. And because I now have the time I also want to continue to sort through the clothes I have and see which ones don’t fit anymore, which ones I don’t really wear and which are gathering dust because I just didn’t see them at the back of my closet.

It’s quite a big task but the sun is shining and I’ve opened all my windows to let the fresh spring air in so I feel confident to get at least some things done.

My goals for today include:

  1. practice piano
  2. practice Despina Aria
  3. drink more water

I’ll update this blog as much as I can to keep myself and hopefully some of you guys out there motivated to use this time to reboot and to find reasonable things to do.

The good influence of friends

“You don’t have to be a “person of influence” to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they’ve taught me.” – Scott Adams

I am a strong believer in the saying that we meet people for a reason. Recently I’ve become quite aware of that and this morning I had kind of an epiphany in a way. Getting off a phone call with my mom and having a bit of time to just think in the train, I realised that the ones who inspire us and even the ones who don’t act as some sort of mirror of how we want our life to turn out – or not. 

A good example is the influence one of my closest friends right now has on me. With the way she is leading life in certain aspects she reminds me of how I want to live my life. Let me give you an example (and I hope she is okay with me writing about her):

She moved in September and does not yet have Wifi or internet besides the limited internet on her phone, which is sufficient for communication of course, but for a Netflix and Prime Junkie like me, it would be like rehab. I think even if she had Wifi at home she would rather sit on the couch with a hot water bottle, a blanket and a good book. It has been a long time since I had a morning like that. Mostly because I spend so much time in front of my laptop for University; I’m used to open it first thing when I sit down. It has become so normal to have any “Entertainment” in Moving-Picture-form on, that I can’t remember the last time I really took time to eat my meals in silence and be forced to deal with my own thoughts or sit down to read a book. My mom says, it might also be because I have to read so much for university or have to stare at small screens all day.

I think it is because the modern day world allows us to be sprinkled with things without really processing it, some form of lazy thinking process or something. Realising that I grew more aware of my electronic consumption, including my phone use, I started trying to not pick up my phone first thing in the morning to check insta or scroll through my mail, but to leave it and instead turn on a podcast while going through my morning routine. 

Last Sunday I had one of the most grounded Sundays in a long time where we just sat there with a cup of tea, played cards and talked. Something so simple that meant so much. It is really hard to find people whom you can have such honest conversations with and spend time in such a simple and uncomplicated way. Life is complicated enough most of the time so this lazy Sunday was much appreciated. It reminded me of how good it is to Pause the crazy “study-work-and-achieve-something-in-your-life-or-nobody-will-love-you” mode every now and then.

I became pretty aware of my eating habits as well and especially of how bad they have become. I ate irregularly, mostly in the evening because I did not have any time during the day. Or the absolute opposite, where I ate so many small unhealthy meals during the day because I did not have the time to eat a regular one.  And if I ate, a lot of the times it was junk food, something that I could wipe up quickly or even takeout. 

And again my friend was such a good example to follow. Despite her crazy working hours she manages to eat regularly and really healthy. I guess eating healthy has a lot to do with how we consume our meals and how aware we are when we are eating. So the moment I started to eat my meals without background entertainment besides my thoughts, I started to become more aware of what I eat. I started to cook and I found that I actually really like the kind of gratifying solitude that accompanies it. I always enjoyed cooking but dreaded it because it took so much time. But when I look at it now it almost seems like some sort of meditation, dedicated “me time” if you will.

It still takes getting used to those changes but right now I feel so much satisfaction coming out of it, I will try to continue it for as long as I can. And with all the good influence surrounding me, I think I can actually change at least some of my habits for good, thanks to my friend! 

From My Point Of View #1

The past months I’ve been rather quiet – not just around here but on social media in general. Maybe because the summer semester put quite a strain on myself and I’ve hit a couple of brick walls in my personal life. In order to reroute and figure out (again) who I am and who I want to be, I took a break and just did what felt right for a while rather then putting something out there that is not 100 percent me.

Silvia Plath wrote in “The unabridged Journals of Silvia Plath”:

“I am still so naive; I know pretty much what I like and dislike; but please, don’t ask me who I am”

So I guess in the process of finding and reinventing myself every day I will change and so will the content on here and on social media as well. I do not want to make money with this blog or with my social media, it is purely for me to exercise my creative side and to let of some steam. I’m gonna try and be unexpected but true to myself which will probably end up being a little chaotic but as long as it is me, I’m ok with it. 

So here is a little bit of pure me on a everything than regular Friday afternoon. Let’s call this segment “From my point of view”:

The first of November hit me like a slap in the face. For some parts of Germany it is a bank holiday so I actually did not have University today. Yesterday I was really motivated to get stuff done and even started cleaning up the kitchen. My dad comes back on Sunday and I want to surprise him with a new bookshelf in the basement. Right now a lot of his history novels are stacked up in boxes because my books took up so much space and with all the music literature my mom gave me from her studies for my studies I had to make room on the shelf in the upstairs living room. A little selfish, I know but these are actually the books I use frequently to look something up or help prepare my studies. 

Now that was kind of a nice plan but I got my period yesterday and it kind of knocked the wind out of me. Somehow I can not comprehend why nature has to be so cruel. So today I woke up with tummy and back cramps. Going to physio was a struggle and it took so much out of me, that I just fell back into bed afterwards with a hot water bottle front and back. Sleeping made it much better but I do not feel like I will be achieving much today. Though I did make lunch instead of getting take out and I even made a pudding for dessert and tomorrow. Is it just me or am I the only one always making too many noodles and homemade tomato sauce? And the things you want to have more of – like pudding – are not nearly enough. 

Anyway, the goal for today is probably to finish creating my new calendar/bullet journal and watching marvels agents of shield as I draw. It almost feels like a Sunday to me. That is a good thing though, because besides being in pain most of the day, I feel like I need a study break. I was not as motivated in university matters as in the beginning of the week and I would really much like for that to come back. So a study break will probably do me a lot of good. Tomorrow is a new day and I guess I can still achieve everything I want to when I’m not knocked out by my own body. Such a traitor…

Different shades of Colourful.

You might think – my god, another post about being grateful. How much does one person need to express their gratefulness? And you are probably right. But this post is not just about gratefulness – at least not entirely. This post is about black and white, about categorizing emotions and situations instead of taking them as they are.

IMG_6407.JPGI am sitting on my balcony as I am writing this, the sun has moved behind the roof so it is not directly in my face and I can’t keep from smiling today. I had an incredibly tough week that challenged me mentally, was frustrating at times and most of all quite exhausting.  But above all it was rewarding. I actually felt like I accomplished something and maybe some greater than others and maybe I didn’t handle some situations quite as graceful as I wanted to but above all  I pushed through. And that I am proud of. There were many times I just wanted to give up and let it be but I managed to find a way around the barrier in my brain.


And today? Today I rewarded myself with sleeping in, having a lazy day and doing what I like and not feeling guilty about it. Yet I somehow got stuff done. I studied just the right amount to not get a headache from all the statistics I have to do and now I decided to write this post after rummaging around the house for a while. I want to clean some more and tidy up, get the mess sorted before my dad comes back on Sunday morning. And to be honest I feel like I need to tidy in order to sort my mind as well. But the difference between today and the rest of the week is that I don’t feel like I have to do it. I just do it because I get joy from doing it or the reward I get by cleaning. It probably sound batshit crazy but that is exactly what I am grateful for today. For the week, for what I learned throughout it and for being free to make my own decisions, to do what I want (within the boundaries of the law of course!).

A sense of inner peace and fulfilment as some would call it, created by just accepting that the world is not black and white but so many shades of colourful.  And that is exactly what I realized today. That no matter how stressful, busy and annoying some parts of my week have been, there have been wonderful times as well when I had lunch with my friends, helped strangers and made new friends, discovered that the toilet on the 4thfloor always got soap, paper towels and no line to wait in or when I ate strawberry cake for breakfast and talked about ideas and writing with someone I never expected to become a friend to. This week was just as unexpected as my cleaning today. I want to try to stop putting days, emotions or situations in boxes and categories with black and white labels. I want a sea of different shades of rainbow and though some might end up being exceptionally dark or bright, they are part of the same picture that is entirely unique and mine.

And what do I take from this revelation? Well, first of all the sense of inner peace and fulfilment is naturally one of the results. And secondly an odd feeling of calmness, like I can achieve everything if I give it time and purpose has settled. Maybe it is because my birthday is approaching or because it is Easter and Pesach or maybe just because the days have gotten longer and the sun is out more but giving every second of every day the chance to be a different colour will only brighten my painting in general. I even need those rainy days to water those seeds of growth and to give texture to my colours. Being able to only see one shade of the same colour would be to boring anyway, would it not?