The one when I’m a Goalie

Hi. Me again. Saturday was my very first Lacrosse Game – as Goalie. And I am as surprised as you that I survived.

It all started with a wave of flu and half of the team being sick – unfortunately both our Goalies as well which meant either playing without a goalie or not playing at all which would have been an automatic 0 – 10 loose. We couldn’t let that happen so they asked me last Tuesday if I would be willing to play as a Goalie and of course I said yes. For me it was a certainty to help the team in whichever way I possibly could – even if that meant a lot of bruises and quite some respect for the position of the Goalie. So as I went to my first and only practice on Friday I was nearly shitting my pants so to say because I realised what I got myself into. I am constantly self doubting everything I do already so naturally I felt incredibly unsure and like I was the worst Goalie that ever existed on this planet. If it wasn’t for this incredible team and especially this one Person I would have probably quit. Jara kept telling me that I can do it and that I will do good and that my best will be enough and with that and her spontaneous hugs whenever I actually got the ball I felt reassured that it is the right thing I am doing. Everyone on the team encouraged me to not be afraid and that I will be fine.

Saturday morning came and I was everything but fine. I couldn’t sleep the night before because every time I fell a sleep I had night terrors of balls hitting me in the face and various other places and I couldn’t eat because I felt incredibly sick to the stomach – fortunately not the kind of sick that makes you throw up but rather the kind that makes you want to crawl into your bed and cuddle with your blankets while hiding under said. I still can’t exactly tell what I was afraid of  – I’m usually not the type that gets afraid – but for some reason I think I didn’t want to let down or disappoint the team. They’ve been so good to me and welcomed me so much that I put even more pressure on myself. They tried to take that pressure off of me but I just couldn’t believe them.


The first half started and I was a bloody nervous mess. I let one ball after another in and only managed one save. The other team would have scored even more goals if it hadn’t been for my amazing teammates! They fought like lions for me and tried to keep the ball away from me as much as they could – even though they had to run even more than usual with no substitute player due to our decimated number. They told me all the time that I was doing well and everything’s gonna be fine. But I wasn’t convinced. I saw the goals on the board and it looked everything but fine at the end of the first half: 7 – 4 for the other team.

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I was shattered and deep into my own thoughts when Jara suddenly hugged me and told me I should believe in myself and that it will work out in the end. And only then I started to believe her. She put so much faith in me – everyone did and I realised I needed to jump over my own shadow if I didn’t want to let down this incredibly awesome team that believed in me from the first go. So when I went back to the goal in the second half I was positive that I’m gonna give it my freaking all and I actually did improve a lot. The whole team felt stronger and they managed to help me out even more and shoot 5 more goals to  equalise the score.

The game ended 9-9 and believe me I was relieved it was over because as much as I would love to tell you otherwise – I was freezing my butt off because you don’t really get to run much as a Goalie. I wasn’t happy with the outcome though because I think I could have put more effort in the first half and could have been better, which still kind of bugs me but I can’t change it now so I’ll have to accept it and deal with it.

Right now I am just really really happy that I am going back to being a field player today, with my own stick and without any protection wear besides my mouthguard. I wear my bruises with pride even though they hurt a lot because I know I took them for the team and I would gladly do it again!

One for all and all for one!!!

Thank you Jara for being your awesome self – I couldn’t have done it without you! Thank you Marlene, Caro, Ella, Maike, Maike, Sophie, Pati, Katha, Loni, Julia, Tobi, Verena, Lena and Nici (and the rest of the team) for supporting me so much on and off the field. I owe you guys big time! You are the best team I could wish for!!!I am proud to be a Musketeer! ❤


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