The obsession is real

Starting Lacrosse was a really really really bad idea.

I started to think of nothing else besides Lacrosse. I spend waaaay too much money on Sticks, Pinies, Shoes, Balls, Stringing, Mouthguards, Clothes and *insert expensive equipment here*! I get home very late three times a week even though I have classes first thing in the morning. I manage to even insert Lacrosse into my writing and basically every conversation I am having. My stick is securely glued between my back and rucksack everyday, always. I use my free time to extensively research about different types of heads and degrees of sticks and spend hours throwing balls at a brick wall. When I’m not talking or thinking about Lacrosse, I’m dreaming about it – from the occasional daydream to a full-blown “Die-defense-die-I-want-to-win-this-darn-game” dreams when you wake up at 4 in the morning, sweating and on the floor besides your bed because you moved too much in your sleep. I spend nights watching games on youtube or search for Lacrosse related content and channels. Yesterday I spend 90 minutes fitting a mouthguard perfectly and researching other mouthguard and making a pros and cons list.

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But you know what? I love it. I love every second discovering new things and being passionate about something and sharing it with a team. And the people on this team are insanely awesome! They are caring, supportive, utterly talented and above all the most motivational bunch of people I had the pleasure of meeting! The warm welcome they granted me and the banality of accepting me as one of their own from the beginning has just melted my heart and made me a loyal team player – considering this is the first real Teamsport I’m pursuing. I feel as though I can accomplish everything not just sports wise but in every situation of my life with the safety of having a whole team that has got your back.

I feel empowered and free, yet completely settled in what I’m doing. I’m gaining confidence and becoming a better version of myself. Even though it means sacrificing parts of my life due to a lack of time.

I quit choir today. I’m kind of sad about it because Choir was always something I thought is very close to my personality. But as of lately I feel that I should do more of my own music. I have grown so much over the past couple of years music wise and I think I’m finally ready to express my own in a way to some extend. I’m not revealing my plans right now because they are still in baby shoes but I will say that my brain shifted into gear. Another reason for ending choir is also that my sport passion right now is a whole lot stronger than my desire to make music – which is sad in a way because I always defined myself with my music passion. But as music is very much still a part of me, sport has been all along as well. And as I see it right now it’s just simply taking over. Right now I would rather go to Lacrosse Practice or spend time doing sport on my own instead of sitting in a choir room once a week and on the weekends.

I struggled with the decision because choir is one of the few times Leo and I actually get to spend time together and of course I met her doing Musical Theatre which is why i feel so bad not singing with her anymore. But if some things work out we will still have our music time.

Right now I’m just really giddy and excited for todays practice even though it rained and it is cold af…

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